04.13.07

Soul-Sucking Days That Feel So Good

Posted in front line stories at 9:35 pm by misstyrios

Today, I was on arraignment duty in district court. I always dread these days because they are, by far, the most exhausting, unpredictable, and soul-sucking days I have to face. (Side note: I have yet to actually go to trial, so I may revise that thought later).

Granted, there is a definite formula to doing arraignments - once I get the list of people who have been arrested and brought to court, I get the record and police report, go into lock-up, and ask the standard questions. Do you know what you’re charged with? How old are you? Where do you live? How long have you been in this area? Do you have a job? Who do you live with? Do you have any kids? How far did you go in school? How much money can you post for bail? Etc. But there can be anywhere from three to twenty of these interviews to go through.

And so much depends on who the judge is for the day, who the clerk calling the cases is, how difficult the situation is, and how the client deals with said situation. Is he used to the process? Is he crying? Is he going through withdrawal? Is he belligerent? Is he completely unrealistic? It is an exhausting process. It involves going in and out of lock-up and courtrooms, making calls on my own cell phone, trying to arrange detox beds, calming people down, yelling at people, fighting with probation and the DA, and generally being pulled in twelve different directions at once.

Sometimes, people get locked up on bails that are ludicrous, leaving me feeling like I’m a complete failure as a lawyer. But then, sometimes people are released on personal recognizance when I didn’t think I had a damn chance in hell, leaving me feeling like I’m the best lawyer in the world. Most of the time, though, I feel like a superfluous warm body, there only because a judge cannot lock someone up without having them technically represented by counsel. I feel like I give a broken-record spiel, relaying the same woeful tales and barrage of excuses over and over and over and over again.

By the end of the day, after going literally non-stop for eight hours (often without a spare moment for a bathroom or lunch break), my body aches and my head throbs. I have too much paperwork to keep track of. I worry about when I’m going to find the time to fit jail visits in to actually talk to my new clients about their cases. I feel defeated and beaten down.

But once in a while, I feel…triumphant. Sometimes just because I have gotten through it all and am still breathing. Sometimes because I fought hard and feel that, even in one case, the right decision was made. Sometimes just because I managed to keep everyone’s stories straight and my voice sounded clear, confident, and convincing. Sometimes just because the judge actually took half a second to listen to my voice.

Today was one of those days. It was, by far, the busiest arraignment day I have ever seen, with the highest number of arrests and people in custody. I handled at least three times the load I usually do. And I was thanked. I was thanked by the court officers, by several clients, and by some family members. I kept cool and calm. I fought my ass off and felt like a lot of correct decisions were made by the court. I felt like I never wanted to do anything other than be a public defender for the rest of my life.

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